10 Things That Are Better In Skyrim Than In Real Life
Unlike their lame and boring real-world counterparts, Skyrim horses are the honey badgers of their respective animal kingdom.
“Oh look! A bandit! Let me just whip out my trusty lightning spell and… oh. Too late. My horse ate his face already.”
#2: Getting Chicks (Or Dudes)
Life in Skyrim is hard (and usually short) so standards are appropriately low. What does it take to woo a prospective mate? Not much.
“You got me a mammoth tusk? Let’s get married and I can cook for you and you can live in my house and have ½ of my earned income.”
I didn’t even pay for the thing. I stole it from a poor person.
Hangovers in real life suck, to be sure, but not in Skrim. Have a little too much mead and you could wake up halfway across the continent in a trashed temple. You will have to go on an odyssey across Skyrim to piece together what happened that night and find your missing friend.
Spoiler Alert: Apparently you stole someones goat and got married…
Need to study for a test? Real-world reading requires you to read. In Skyrim, open the book to the first page and you are instantly imbued with all pertinent information contained within. Skills are learned, maps are updated, knowledge is gained.
Also, if you are inclined to actually read the books, most books in Skyrim are about 8 pages long.
#5: Matrimonial Equality
Despite the fact that Skyrim is a SUPER-racist place, anyone can get married to anyone.
Man/woman, man/man, woman/woman, cat/woman, lizard/man, whatever.
Skrim doesn’t judge you.
Unlike certain lame vampires in our world, Skyrim vampires do not sparkle in the sunlight.
Actually, it causes your blood to literally boil, which is much more bad-ass, even if a tad inconvenient.
#7: Eating Things
In real life, if you just eat everything you see you will probably die. In Skyrim?
“Hey I wonder what happens if I eat the raw meat of this decaying zombie-rat i just killed in the sewers… hmmm, a minor health reduction………… so worth it.”
Other awesome things you can safely eat in Skyrim: butterflies, human flesh, troll fat, poisonous spider egg sacs, vampire dust… did I mention human flesh?
#8: Socially Acceptable forms of Murder
I can pretty much guarantee it won’t work in real life, but in Skyrim, shove someone off a cliff to their death: not murder.
“But I didn’t kill him, the ground killed him.”
Note: Also works with poison and other forms of indirect murder.
#9: People Don’t Mind if You Put a Bucket on Their Head
Try this in the real world and people will be none too impressed, but in Skyrim, its totally cool.
And if you want rob them blind while they’re under there, that’s cool too.
Skyrim doesn’t judge you.
Yeah, real world dragons are pretty cool, I’ll grant you.
But Skyrim dragons? Observe.